a unit of weight in general use equal to 16 oz. avoirdupois (0.4536 kg)
The road to healthy
Once upon a time in a land far away I was the definition of unhealthy. I’ve spent the past ten-ish years of my life working with trainers, friends, doctors, and myself to determine what my version of healthy looks like. I believe there isn’t a one sized fits all diet/workout program, and I’m thrilled that I’ve found what works for me.
I’ve wanted to be a mom my entire life. I was prepared to love every minute of pregnancy and to embrace my growing baby bump. I was completely prepared to travel, workout, and glow. I wasn’t prepared for the influx of hormones and the never-ending feels.
July 18, 2017
I had recently committed myself to compete in a CrossFit competition hosted by Black Hive and in doing so, I agreed to start working out with one of my teammates at 6AM. The workout of the day was 10 down to 1 power snatches with a rope climb after each round, I threw up twice during the workout. I kept powering through it because I have so many food allergies that I figured I had just eating something I shouldn’t have.
Later that day while I was volunteering for a non-profit I work with, Catty Shack Wildlife Sanctuary, I couldn’t shake my exhaustion. It didn’t matter how much coffee I drank, I was pretty sure I was going to fall asleep standing. I chalked it up to doing my first 6AM workout in a really long time – typically I’m an afternoon fitness girl – until a girlfriend put the idea in my head, “maybe you’re pregnant.”
As I was driving home I stopped at CVS, bought a test, and drove as fast as I could home. Ran into the door, straight to the bathroom, now focused on the possibility, but not really believing that it could be possible. Christian and I had literally just discussed adoption.
We were having a security system installed by the gym owner and one of the coaches, and as I walked out of the bathroom Christian announced he was going to get us all lunch. Perfection! I could easily go back into the bathroom undetected, and I did, as soon as C was out the door I rushed back to view my results.
I walked out of the bathroom crying elephant tears, and shaking. The guys installing the cameras definitely looked a little confused and I couldn’t keep it out, “I’m pregnant.” They became a little more surprised when I told them I literally just found out. I hurried to wrap the test in birthday wrapping paper so I had a way to tell Christian when he came home. His birthday isn’t until August 1st, I obviously wasn’t going to wait that long to tell him.
Isn’t his reaction priceless?
We confirmed my pregnancy with a nurse practitioner and it became real. As I was so early on we waited to do an initial ultrasound. Finally, on August 7th we were given a project due date of March 27, 2018. I found out extremely early on, and the morning sickness was no joke. Whoever decided to coin it “morning sickness” is the worst human imaginable. It was all hours sickness.
All I could do to keep food down was to eat buckets of carbs. Rapidly, I gained weight – and as I was ten pounds over my happy weight when I got pregnant, and my happy weight is 165 pounds, I was terrified of what the number on the scale would be come March. And, I’ve never struggled in saying I’m 165, or feeling confident in a bikini at that weight.
First trimester I easily packed on twenty pounds, and in doing quick math I figured I would give birth right around 235 pounds. Three trimesters, 20 pounds each trimester, sixty pounds total, it just didn’t sit right with me. And I still find myself going back and forth between wondering why I’m so obsessed with the weight gain and feeling guilty that I’m so self-absorbed when all that really mattered is that baby Kai is born healthy.
This week it happened. At twenty-six weeks, I am no longer wavering back and forth in the 190’s and the 200’s. It’s been a steady stream of seeing this little number on the scale.
I’m twenty six weeks in and I’ve gained 25 pounds. I’m eating healthy, I’m active, and I understand that weight gain is part of this process. But, man, did I not expect that hitting that number would be such a mind-f*ck. And I didn’t expect to feel so guilty about feeling bad about the weight gain.
….and I certainly wasn’t prepared for people to say things like “are you sure there’s just one in there” and “that’s going to be a huge baby” so early on.